1. Before you say something to your spouse you MUST ask yourself - first! - what is my motive? (are you coming from a ministry mindset or a selfish mindset) why am I sending this message?
2. Always start with the part of the situation that is your fault - even if it is only 5% (take care of your own 'log' first)
3. Attack the problem and not the person, frame your conversation with the following ideas:
*You've done this*This is how I'm affected by what you've done*I think this action would be better*Please tell me if I'm missing something, Is there something going on I don't understand?
4. Make it a safe environment for your spouse to criticize you