Monday, February 07, 2011

Blog Sex Series, part 1 - What Every Husband Wishes His Wife Understood

I have been attending the Men's Fraternity group at my church and I am learning all kinds of great stuff about Winning at Work and Home.  The Men's Fraternity is a series of teaching videos by Pastor Robert Lewis.  Last week's topic was called 'Improving Your Sex Life.'  There was so much great information for husbands and wives that I wanted to share some of it here on my blog.  This is stuff that I benefited from, and I think you (men and women alike) will benefit from it also.

Ladies, this post is mostly for you (don't worry I'll have stuff for the guys in later posts).

What Every Husband Wishes His Wife Understood*

1. My sex drive is powerful, persistent, and normal.
The average wife thinks about sex with husband 1x per day, while the average husband thinks about sex with his wife 33x per day.
Most men need to have sex 2-3 times per week to alleviate tension, stress and uncomfort in their lives.
2.  Sex is to me what words of affection and affirmation are to you, it is my #1 need.

3.  Meeting a marriage partner's needs is cyclical.
Sex leads to men affirming wives which leads to sex for me.  Both partners must engage this process.  Occasionally this means dying to my needs to meet my partners.
4.  Sex for me is a 'grand oasis' in the midst of everyday life.  It is one place where I can escape and experience pure fun.

5.  Satisfying sex reassures me in my manhood.  Work, people, society can make me feel like a loser, but sex restores my feeling of adequacy and ability.

6.  Real sexual fulfillment for me IS IMPOSSIBLE unless I can sexually fulfill you.
A man can tell when his wife is just going through the motions and when this happens men often feel pain in sex rather than pleasure (contrary to what most women might think).
Conclusion
Many wives think they understand their husbands sexual drives and needs, but more often than not they fail to meet them (just as many husbands think they understand their wives emotional needs and fail to meet them) .  There are lots of reasons for this: stage of life, past sexual wounds, lack of trust, selfishness, poor self-image, etc.  However husbands and wives have a Biblical obligation to learn about die to self in order to serve each other with joy, not out of obligation. 

Wives, do you take series the need for your husband to experience sex 2-3 times a week?  If no, why not?  If there are roadblocks there for you then you need to discuss these with your husband.  I guarantee you he will want to work on them so to eliminate them.  Men are much more passive in their need for sex in a marriage than many women realize.  If they have been repressed or turned back from you too often, they will eventual give-up looking for release and fulfillment from you, and they will be drawn to negative sexual release valves.

Sex is a gift from God that many married couples never fully unwrap.  Later this week I'll post parts 2, 3, and 4 in this Blog Sex Series and they will be geared much more towards what men need to understand about warming up a women for sex.  However, in the meantime women, please think and pray through some of this stuff and ask God to reveal to you if you are missing the sexual mark with your husband.  Also, if you think this would be helpful for someone else in your life please re-post, Tweet, or add this link to your Facebook status. 

Upcoming posts in the Blog Sex Series
Part 2 - Before Play: The Female Viagra
Part 3 - How to Help Your Wife Enjoy Sex With You
Part 4 - Final Thoughts

*Much of the above material comes from an outline by Pastor Lewis in the Winning at Work and Home notebook.  You can view the related teaching videos at the Men's Fraternity website here.
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