Before Play: The Female Viagra*
The key principle husbands need to understand about preparing their wives for sex is this:
Husbands need sex to feel close to their wives, but wives need daily closeness to feel like having sex with their husbands.
Here are 8 Ways to Keep Your Wife Feeling Close to You
1. Reassure her with words and displays of affection
Check out: 10 Things Wives Want to Hear From Their Husbands for ideas.2. Daily practice the romance of one small sacrifice.
Clean the toilets. Fix the light bulb that has been burnt out for two weeks. Wash-off the dinner table and dishes.3. Give her regular, focused attention.
Turn off Sportscenter and initiate some conversation. Take her on a date to a restaurant that doesn't have a 33 inch TV handing above your table.4. Speak her love language.
Do you even know what it is? It is likely completely opposite from yours, so you'll need to stretch yourself to learn it and apply it. You can learn more about The 5 Love Languages here.5. Surprise her with a gift out of the ordinary.
6. Surprise her by initiating something she likes to do.
7. Stay actively involved in loving your children.
I once heard a woman say there is nothing sexier her husband can do that play an active, selfless role in raising the kids. i.e. - Giving your kids a bath may be a turn-on.8. Keep your relationship free of unresolved conflict.
Conflict attacks a woman's need to feel secure in the relationship, and insecure wives have very low sexual attraction for their husbands.Conclusion
Both partners in a healthy marriage want to feel close with one another. In fact, a lack of closeness (sometimes referred to as intimacy) is a contributing factor in the demise of almost every marriage. Why many couples struggle is that they do not understand what actions make deposits in one another's closeness banks. Women simply do not put a high enough value on the need of their husbands for regular sexual intercourse. And men, do not put in the time and energy it takes to understand and selflessly meet the emotional needs of their wives. What happens is women with holdsex because they don't feel close, and men respond by isolating from their wives and thus fail to meet a woman's emotion needs.
It takes a tremendous amount of effort and unselfishness to meet a partner's needs when we don't feel like ours our being met in return. However, in a Christian marriage with Christ as the center, as one partner continually dies to self, the other will begin to reciprocate the need meeting. As men we are called to be the leaders of our marriages. So if that means we remain celibate for a month and spend everyday wiping bathroom floors and playing Candyland with the kids, then that is what we do.
Tomorrow we'll look at some things men can do to help their wives enjoy the sexual experience more.
Upcoming posts in the Blog Sex Series
Part 1 - What Every Husband Wishes His Wife Understood
Part 2 - Before Play: The Female Viagra
Part 3 - How to Help Your Wife Enjoy Sex With You
Part 4 - Final Thoughts
*Much of the above material comes from an outline by Pastor Lewis in the Winning at Work and Home notebook. You can view the related teaching videos at the Men's Fraternity website here.