Part 3 in my Blog Series for Building Physical Intimacy between Husbands and Wives

This week I am posting a series of blog entries on my learning from a study I am doing at my church based on the Men's Fraternity, which is a series of teaching videos by Pastor Robert Lewis.  So far I have posted on what men want woman to understand about them sexually, and on tips for men to engage their wives emotions which which will lead to wives engaging them sexually.  Today I'll share some very insightful words from Dr. Lewis on things husbands can do to help their wives find more physical pleasure in sex.  Some of these thoughts are extremely helpful for couples who are engaged or planning on marriage in the future.

How to Help Your Wife Enjoy Sex With You*

1.  There are 4 stages to sex: arousal, love-making, intercourse, and orgasm. 
Many women have never experienced true sexual arousal.  It is not uncommon for women to enjoy the first 3 stages of sex without experiencing orgasm. 
For the man, arousal and orgasm are more commonly experienced stages than the middle two.
2.  Men need to understand that their wives and they are not in the same place sexually
Many wives enter marriage sexually inexperienced.  Husbands enter marriage believing their wives enjoy sex as much as they do.  This is initially rarely true. 
The old saying, after the honeymoon is over, is that men finally 'do it' and women just 'get through' it.
3.  Arousal is the key to a wives sexual experience with her husband.
Arousal for a man takes 10 secs.  Arousal for a woman takes 10 acts of kindness, service, love, and support.
Female arousal is based less on looks, and more on safety, security, and trust in her spouse over the long term.
5 Things Husbands Can Do to be Safe in Bed

1.  Never force anything.

2.  Stay pain free.  

3.  Know what she likes and what she doesn't like.

4.  Don't rush or overly concentrate on hot spots.

5.  Use words to compliment and reassure.


The key to a woman enjoying the sexual experience is for her husband to create an environment of safety, security, and trust.  This happens outside the bedroom door and carries all through the sexual act.  It has been said that in sex men are like strike anywhere matches and women are like brick ovens - there is an extended warm up period, but once hot they will maintain that heat for along time.  Husbands, the Bible calls us to live with our wives in an understanding way.  No where is this more true than in our sexual relationship.  Talk, discuss and build intimacy with words and bodies. 

One of Dr. Lewis' points that is so important is the idea of removing any doubt or fear from the wife's mind.  He talked about how any pain or discomfort will stick in the woman's mind through-out the entire experience.  To this point he quoted a sex therapist who recommends always using a lubricant as a way of protecting the woman and removing all doubt and discomfort from her experience.  Graphic recommendation aside, it is very useful advice and something that a caring husband will head.

Tomorrow I'll wrap up the Blog Sex Series with by sharing some of Dr. Lewis final thoughts on the topic.

Upcoming posts in the Blog Sex Series
Part 1 - What Every Husband Wishes His Wife Understood
Part 2 - Before Play: The Female Viagra
Part 3 - How to Help Your Wife Enjoy Sex With You
Part 4 - Final Thoughts

*Much of the above material comes from an outline by Pastor Lewis in the Winning at Work and Home notebook.  You can view the related teaching videos at the Men's Fraternity website here.