Friday, April 22, 2011

The Monster Within Us

Tonight at our church's Good Friday service the pastor referenced the old TV series Incredible Hulk and he talked about the monster of sin that lives within each person.  It was fitting due to the fact that I spent most of the afternoon battling the monster within myself.

There are days while a person is out of work that can really bring you down.  Today was one of those for me.  I found out yesterday that a good lead I had wasn't going to work out.  So I spent a couple hours today scanning job boards and reading about necessary qualifications and experience that I don't have.  It gets extremely draining to feel unqualified over and over again.  Then I went home and began cleaning (which is sometimes therapeutic for me) only to discover some bills with balances higher than I was aware of.  This set of a chain reaction of fear and anger inside me.

I KNOW that God is going to work out my job search for GOOD and his GLORY but days like today are tough.  I feel like a swim suit being twisted until the very last drop of water drips out.  I feel like the end of this journey is covered in fog and I'm forced to keep pressing into the unknown.  I feel alone and frustrated and scared and exhausted. 

At least I did feel that way until I went to church.  That's because at church I looked up at picture after picture of Jesus hanging on a cross: twisted, alone, frustrated, scared, and exhausted paying the penalty of MY sin.  He died so I wouldn't have to.  He took my place and endured the wrath of God instead of me.  Because he loves me. 

So I trust his words and his power and his goodness as I press into the fog.  He WALKED the path set before him, and he IS WALKING the path alongside of me.
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