1. Land – I don’t care if it’s a quarter acre lot in some remote place. Get some. Nothing says ‘Merica like owning a chunk of earth.
2. A truck – Haul stuff. It’s what guys do. Diesels are the best but get what you can afford. Jalopys are ok too. Nothing like learning the fundamentals of mechanics. Don’t forget the saying “a good friend will help you move, a really good friend will tell you NO.”
3. Grill – Unless you build your own, just get a classic charcoal Weber. Nothing is better than this, trust me. Don’t be the dope that spends $700 on the egg. You could be spending that money on meat. Or, if you’re a vegetarian you could spend that money on sweet corn (grills nice) and tampons. Either way, just get the Weber.
4. Flashlight – What!!!!! I just saw a flashlight for $488! Are you kidding me? Look guys, think about how often you’re gonna use this thing….if you’re a night owl, I could see stepping it up some, but for my money I would just get the three battery Maglite. It’s tough and could also double as a hammer.
5. Rifle – My standard rifle is a Marlin 30-30. Does the job and it doubles as a sledge hammer and still shoots. Tough gun.
6. Thermos – The green one. Here’s a pet peeve of mine: if you buy a damn thermos for coffee, don’t put fricking soup or stew in it. Just put coffee or tea or whatever in the container. Get a separate container for foods. Have some dignity. I like the Thermos brand. Get this one.
7. Rope – Have 50′ of rope at your disposal. You need this. There is plenty of different types of rope from climbing to construction. You’ll know what type to get when you see it. Just remember that some ropes give a little and some give a lot.
8. Atlas – It’s the first part of traveling. Know your world.
9. Razor – I’m about to save you a ton of money. Get you one of those razors that have the disposable blades. The blades are so cheap. I mean cheap. It takes a little getting use to, but you’ll be ahead of most schmucks when you strap one of these on your face…..and wallet.
10. Water hose – Don’t go cheap on me here. It’s an important tool. Get the industrial kind. Usually about 50 smackers at your local hardware store. Just get the fifty footer. If you need more, then double up. It makes for easier storing.
11. Shotgun – 12 gauge. Don’t get an automatic. Pump action or double barrel is best. Great for home or property protection. From slugs to bird shot, you can’t go wrong with this tool.
12. Sunglasses – Get a good pair. Make sure the lens is made of glass and not plastic. Plastic scratches too easy. Trust me on this. You’re allowed to splurge on quality.
13. Coffee maker – I would say buy you a good traditional maker, but my wife uses a French press and it’s just takes coffee to the next level. The Frogs (aka the French) have one thing down, and that’s coffee. Don’t get the glass one either. Buy a nice metal one. It’ll hold the heat better and won’t break if you drop it.
14. Cards – You never know when the opportunity comes up to have a little fun and take your friends money. Keep it friendly. And if you owe money, be damn sure you pay it. Plus, learn a couple of tricks to show the kids. It helps them question things.
15. Gloves – These hands could stop a chainsaw….or at least use to could. Momma said “never trust a man that wears gloves.” I think she meant a man that wears gloves all the time. Thats why my hands used to be so brutal. Anyway, a pair of gloves come in handy sometimes, just not all the time.
16. Pistol – Get a .357 revolver. All you need. S&W is my choice. Plus, you don’t leave shells laying around….or whatever….no gangster…..just never know. Plus, it never malfunctions. Ever.
17. Pocket Knife – Get a Case or Old Timer, either one will do. Get the double bladed knife, not the one with three blades. Use one blade for the good stuff, and the other one to “f” stuff up with. The three bladed one sits too thick in the pocket. Bonus: If an old man ever asks you to “drop knives”, don’t.
18. Watch – I wear a Timex Iron Man. It tells time. Hard. I once left it tied to my upside down kayak, in the dirt for three months and found it in working order. It’s tough, It’s cheap. It tells time.
19.Machete – My cousin swears up and down by the “Woodsman’s Pal.” Yeah, they are pretty nice, but expensive. You’re choppin’ weeds, not whittling an art project. I say just get ya one of those cheap bastards at Wal-Mart. Does the job. Here’s a pic of one of those woodsmans things.
20. A Nice Suit – I’m not putting a picture up here for this one. You should just know that you should have one. For church, business, weddings, funerals, etc. Dress the way you should….don’t go to a funeral like you’re some kinda hobo. That goes for weddings and church too.
21. Wallet – Keep it organized. So lately, I’ve been carrying a zipper wallet. I don’t keep all my stuff in there…..just the important stuff like ID, one credit card, and one debit card. My old man’s wallet is so thick, it’s like sitting on a phone book. Why he carries that thing I don’t know. Anyway, here’s the one I carry. It’s made by Chums.
22. Work boots – Don’t go for fashion, go for function. And by function, I mean comfort. I don’t like steel toe boots and would never own a pair. I do Timberland work boots, but I’m sure there are some better ones out there. Point is, don’t show up to the job site wearing something that looks like you’re about to play a pick-up game down at the Y.
23. Tent – If you go camping solo a lot, get a 2 man. I like the 2 man tent because I can get my stuff out of the weather. If there is two of you, get a three man. A good one is usually not that heavy. I have a North Face I’ve been using a lot, but also have a Marmot in my bug out bag that’s nice as well. Anyways, don’t go cheap on camping gear…..
24. Sleeping bag – Western Mountaineering makes the best. THE BEST. But, who can afford one? Not this hombre. Not that I wouldn’t spend the money, but I don’t do extreme cold weather stuff, so I just stick with the Marmot bag I have now. It’s super comfy and lite, and does the job.
25. Canoe or kayak – I would say get the kayak over the canoe, but I have both and both have different uses. The canoe I fish from, the kayak is for fun. Either way, WATER.
26. Desk – Every guy should have a desk. In fact, you should sit at it once a week and write something. Computers are great, but nothing like the art of lines and circles that can communicate thought. If nothing else, write a chore list for the kiddos every week. It’s fun and as CEO of the family, it’s your duty.
27. Pen – How are you going to make money if you don’t have a pen? I have a nice fountain pen I use when I want to write something fancy. For regular stuff, I use a Skillcraft. They are the best. Throw all of your pens away and get a box. I remember my dad having these pens from his time in the military.
28. Wife – A good wife is hard to come by. It took me 45 years to find mine. Well worth the wait.
29. Umbrella – Get a good, big one. One for two people. You know, so your wife doesn’t get wet while she’s holding it for you.
30. Leatherman - Not the cheap knock off brands you can get for $10. The cheap ones don’t last. I have the simple one. I’m not sure what style it is, but here’s a pic.
31. Camera – I may concede this one. Most phones have a camera built in that are pretty good. I have a Canon A-1 that is kept in storage. It uses film and I don’t want the added expense of development. I also have an old Polaroid, but the film for that thing is too damned expensive, but could be a lot of fun. I’ve often thought about breaking it out for family night. Anyway, if you have a camera on your phone, you can probably skip this one.
32. Shop Vac – It’s the vacuum for guys. It’s great to have for cleaning out the truck, cleaning up shop mess or sawdust. Get one, they are handy.
33. Hair clippers – It’s a great way to keep your barber employed. But seriously, if you need to lower the ears in a pinch, they can be handy.
34. Fire safe – Keep your important stuff in one, safe place. I have a couple of these that I keep birth records, passports, legal stuff, etc. in. It’ll keep an honest man, honest and most have some sort of fire rating.
35. Knife – Outdoor type. I have to be honest here, I have some sort of infatuation with knives. Probably comes from watching Johnny Weismuller when I was a kid. Make sure you get one that is full tang. That was FULL TANG. For my money, I think the Schrades are pretty good. They are inexpensive but are built to take a licking. I’m sure the brand can be debated, but Schrade is best for the money in my book.
36. Sewing Kit – Don’t be a sissy. A man should know how to sew a button or put on a patch. Hell, even Rambo knew how to sew, albeit it was his own skin. You should have one handy. Thanks mom for showing me how to sew a button.
37. Skillet – I do all my cooking in one big ass skillet. Bacon, eggs, burgers, mac and cheese, steak, soup….whatever. Get a good one. I found a really good, over sized skillet at TJ Maxx several years ago and still use it till this day.
38. Cutlery – Get a good set that will last you forever. Make sure it’s a reputable brand so when you lose that one knife, you are able to reorder it to avoid that annoying empty slot in the block.
39. Lock – I like the combination locks pictured below. No more keys.
40. Ladder – I’m sold on the multi-position ladders. They fit easily into the back of a truck, and can be used as a step or extension ladder. Plus, the weight capacity is higher than most of the standard home ladders.
41. Rod and Reel – I like a good bait caster. Whatever works for you though. Just have one…..or some. Guys fish. If you’ve never gone fishing, plan a trip. It’s relaxing and fun. If you really get into fishing, step it up and learn to fly fish. My dad used to tie a wooden match on the end of my fly rod line and let me practice the cast without snagging into something.
42. Tackle box – This is the brains of fishing. Ask you local bait shop guys whats best for your area, then fill it with lures, jigs, weights, corks or bobers, leads, and lines. Have fun!!! And by the way, you don’t need a huge one to catch a huge one.
43. Chainsaw – You should have a chainsaw and know how to properly use one. I like a 16″. If I needed anything bigger, I would just call Roy my local lumberjack. Lumberjacks are a different type of people. Fun and a little crazy. Most lumberjacks use Stihl, I however have a Husqvarna.
44. Liquor Cabinet – All good Presbyterians have one, and the Baptist lie and say they don’t. Stock it with your poison. I like Jack Daniels….not often, but when I do, it’s handy. Stock it with clear and dirty liquors. Anything from the South is better.
45. Stereo – Don’t forget the speakers. Preferably a stereo with a turntable. Is that vanity fair? It’s the one thing hipsters have right.
46. Hand tools – Don’t cheap out on these items. I mean it. There are two things a guy should never part with: tools and camping/outdoor gear. You get what you pay for. Buy good name brand toolshere is what you need in a household kit. Hammer, measuring tape, pliers, crescent wrench, allen wrenches, screw drivers (get the all in one), chalk box. nippers, speed square, combination square, torpedo level, nut drivers, razor knife, putty knife, sanding block, chisel, 2 pound hammer, scraper, pencils, coping saw, regular saw, sheetrock knife, and nail set. I’m sure there’s something left out, but this will get you started. Oh…don’t forget socket sets and wrenches. As you get older, you’ll accumulate more tools and there’s nothing wrong with that. I would put a picture of my tool box on here, but ya’ll would probably get jealous….or most of you would.
47. Binoculars – I have a pair of my dads old ones. He got them while in Germany. The ones to get should be heavy duty and adjustable to your vision.
48. Post hole diggers – I like to call them “my PHD.” The new fiberglass handles are pretty nice and a little lighter too.
49. Ax – Get one with a hickory handle, they are easier to replace. Don’t get the double bladed because you can use the other side of the ax as a sledge when needed.
50. Baseball glove – Every guy should have one. Who doesn’t like to play catch. Turn off the tv for once and get your ass outside and throw.